just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
