Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
