I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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