A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
