I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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