Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize