JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
