haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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