So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize