They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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