Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
