There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
