i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize