The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
