I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
