i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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