A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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