Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
