im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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