pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize