I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
