He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
