Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
