Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
