Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
