wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
