This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
