This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
