So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
