How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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