I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
