My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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