i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
