She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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