I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
FUCK WHALES
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
