Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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