thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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