I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
