he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
