I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
