What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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