I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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