the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
