speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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