Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
