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I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
