I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
