I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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