Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
