you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
