You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
