You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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