If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
