The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
