im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
