it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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