you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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