I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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