Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
