You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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