You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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