really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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