He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
