he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
