I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize