I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize