The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
ttyl tear gas
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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